“Summer has come and passed,
the innocent can never last,
wake me up when September ends.”

                                    -Greenday

It did not matter before whether or not such day will come. As long as I existed, as long as the clock continued ticking, as long as the calendar never ran out of date, such day did not matter. Time is unstoppable, I said. There is nothing I can do to control it.

Not until when that big day came.

It was the 1^st day of September when I realized that such inevitable day was almost at hand. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I just needed to face it. There is no turning back. Taking the risk is less risky than not taking the risk itself.

That was also the day I realized that the day which did not matter at all in the past really mattered the most now.

PRELUDE

While I was still stepping out of the bus, I could feel the shivers all over my body. It was as if everybody who was falling in line to enter the gates of La Salle was ready to be executed. I whispered a silent prayer which only God and I can understand. Amidst the noise and the ruckus surrounding the hopeful barristers, I tried to find the peace I’ve been trying hard to find within me. I walked slowly towards the long line. I saw many nameless faces wishing their loved ones good luck.

As I slowly approached the line, the excitement got more intense – both for the barristers and the other people surrounding us. Few more minutes, I will be ready to enter the execution hall. Should I bid everybody farewell and see-you-soon? I was confused. My mind was clouded.

Then my body trembled. I felt as if an ice-cold pail of water was splashed all over my body. I felt numb.

I continued walking. I gazed at every corner of the street filled with policemen, students, vendors, strangers, and by-passers, each doing their own businesses. My mind was floating. I was seeing from afar but actually looking nowhere. Until I heard somebody shout my name.

My mom.

She was waving at me while climbing the yellow barricade which separated the long line of barristers and the mob of well-wishers. She could not seem so content that she almost fell from the iron fence about to be violently wrecked by the people who were so frenzied seeing their loved ones enter the green and white gates.

Upon hearing my name, I suddenly burst into tears. The sight of my mom, teary-eyed and hopeful, was enough for me to regain my lost courage. I turned my back and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and promised me that God will guide me all through the way.

While bursting with emotions, I walked past through her and made an assurance that I will enter the battlefield and fight my way till the end, win or lose.

INTERLUDE

I immediately rushed to Yuchengco Building. I looked up for my name on the bulletin board. Beside it was my room number – 502.

I entered the elevator not knowing what to expect when I land to my destination. When the elevator door opened, I rushed to see my room. I opened the door and handed my admission slip to one of the proctors seated, facing my fellow nervous barristers.

I sat for a moment and reviewed my last minute materials until I decided to go to the toilet. It would be hard taking the exam while wanting to pee.

I returned after a few minutes. They were already distributing the booklets and white cardboards, almost like the size of an ordinary class card. I wrote my name and school where I graduated on this white cardboard.  Then, the proctors who were roaming around asked us to thumb mark it.

The first bell rang and they distributed the questionnaires upside-down and forbade us in peeping it, or await the possible sanctions. Again, I chilled. But I remembered how mom’s face looked like just before I entered the building. I told myself, there is no room for surrender right at this very moment. I promised my mom that I am going to fight it out all through the end.

Exactly after five minutes, the second bell rang. Then, the battle began.

THE BATTLEFIELD

FIRST SUNDAY

POLITICAL LAW

I lifted my questionnaire to the second page. I did not dare to look at the 1^st question because I was sure it would destroy my whole mood for my 1^st Sunday. So I turned my eyes to the second question only to discover that I did not know the answer. I skipped it. I looked at the third one. It did not do me any good. So I turned back my eyes to the second question. It took me about ten minutes before I was able to decipher my answer. Whether or not it was right was another issue. I needed to answer at least one question before proceeding.  That was the only way to save my morale then.

Almost thirty points were allotted to Public International Law. I wanted to faint. I wondered how the other barristers have reacted with those kinds of shocking questions. I looked around and I was surprised with what I saw. Some were scratching their temples. Others were just simply gazing at the questions, turning back and forth the questionnaire and did not simply know how to start.  I realized I was not alone. We were one big happy family!

Then somebody entered the room wishing us good luck. We did not entertain his presence until he introduced himself as the Chairman of the 2007 Bar Examination. That was the only time he caught our attention, but only for a little while, for the answers to the difficult questions were far more important than his presence.

I continued thinking hardly of the answers until I could not think anymore. Of all the subjects, I can say that I am quite confident with Political Law because of the good foundation I had under a very excellent and passionate professor. Of course, there were times when I slacked off in his class, but generally, I could say that I have learned enough in that subject.

I tried to finish everything by going back to the very first question I previously managed to skip. My nose bled when I read it. It was just asking the trivial ones which are not ought to be learned in law school. I felt that my effort in reviewing the entire subject matter was wasted.

Few more minutes before the time, I submitted my booklet. I went out of the room disappointed. The first exam was enough to destroy the rest of the day. I wanted to share my angst with somebody but then I realized, there will still be the afternoon exam. I should not be affected although I wanted to yell out my frustrations. I almost wanted to wail but I controlled the tear-rolling. This is just the 1^st half day of the whole month of September, I thought to myself. I recalled my mantra – fighting it out all through the end.

Thus, with my classmates, I went to our bar site and stuffed my stomach with all the food I can eat, only to realize that my appetite wasn’t that good enough to make me a glutton.

LABOR LAW

I was so much disappointed with my morning exam. Will this be again the time for me to labor, I asked myself. I browsed some of my last minute materials and I felt that my brain is about to surrender. Thus, I decided to keep them away from me and to better rest.

Same procedures took place before the exam. I tried to read some of the figures on my questionnaire while it was turned upside down. I noticed that the last question was numbered “XX” with several sub-questions. This must be a very long exam, I thought. And I was not mistaken.

I tried to answer the questions as fast as I could, knowing that we only have three hours to answer all of them (we were allotted more time for the morning exam which was four hours). My hand was shaking due to pressure. I felt like I was not taking a Labor Law exam because the questions mainly asked for procedures, writ of execution, evidence, etc.

Another weird exam, I thought. Are we really asked to “labor” on the procedures of labor law, rather than the substance of the law itself? Moreover, only one question was asked regarding Labor Relations, considering that such is the most difficult area of Labor Law and which was given more importance both in law school and in the Bar Review.

And the principle of co-determination?! Arrggghhh! This was something I never learned in law school, much more in the Bar Review. Geniuses out there, what’s the answer?

SECOND SUNDAY

CIVIL LAW

There are more than two thousand civil law provisions under the New Civil Code, excluding some of the special laws. It would be impossible for me to cover the whole topic. So I decided to concentrate on some important areas such as Persons & Family Relations, and Obligations and Contracts. They are actually “the meat” of the Civil Code provisions, only to discover I was wrong.

How “happy” I was when I read that only one question each was asked in this “meat areas” of the Civil Code. Worse, one of them was true or false, without a need to explain. Well, the others that comprised the whole exam were merely trivialities, something that a barrister would not bother to sacrifice in lieu of “meat areas” which were far more practicable both in theory and in real life.

And yes, the barristers were bombarded with questions lifted from “Property Law”, the most boring subject in Civil Law (I bet many would agree with me). There were also multiple-choice questions pertaining to “Insolvency”.  I almost thought, I was taking the Mercantile Law Exam.

Questions regarding “Wills and Succession” were quite reasonable, only that my answers were not. I even thought that I was mastering to draw a “family tree” while answering the last question. It drove me crazy in analyzing whose son was this anyway, or was he legitimate, adopted, illegitimate, or just out of nowhere!?

There was also a question pertaining to “Land Titles and Deeds”.  It was neither a frequently asked question nor a reasonable one. I guess, the examiner just asked it to irritate our tickle bones and he succeeded. I cannot even remember the title of the laws he/she was asking in the exam. There were too many of them. I thought I even interchanged the “number-designation” of one law. I just wish I didn’t. That made me paranoid all throughout the week!

I left the examination room with my heart broken. After trying to master the Civil Code provisions on the “meat subjects”, only trivialities will be asked, and the worse part I guess was not being able to hit the right answers.

Well, after that exam, I wanted to leave right away, go home and just have a good night sleep. But hey, what about my mantra!? So even I was so discouraged by the exam, I still finished the other half. It was now or never at all.

TAXATION

I was quite confident in taking this exam knowing that we were under one of the best, if not the best Taxation professor in law school. But after reading almost half of the questions, my confidence was shattered.

Estate Tax? All I could remember about this was I was holding a last-minute reviewer for this certain area of taxation. Our professor did not bother to focus on this because this is not the “meat” of taxation. Oh, too much about the meat! I am getting carnivorous here.

I was expecting that many questions will be asked on Income Tax because that is the most difficult area of Taxation. Back in law school, I really tried very hard (so redundant, huh!) to study income tax since I knew that such was my waterloo. I tried to memorize all the enumeration until I ran out of mnemonics. My brain almost drained trying to remember those things that even in real life, I cannot visualize. It was a very tedious task!

Guess what!? Only one question was asked in income tax and it pertained to (dandararan…) rice subsidy. How funny! I memorized the amount, I just forgot the period when it shall be granted to an employee. I guessed. Your guess is good as mine – I guessed the wrong answer! Arrggh!

Some of the questions focused on Local Tax. Oh please spare us from those questions. I already felt tired thinking of possible answers. Besides, it is not the “meat’”. Oh, forget it!

Of course, I tried to answer what I knew and discovered afterwards that I was wrong. Some questions pertained to General Principles and those I think were fair. It was a given after all that those questions are the ones which are defended the best by every barrister. Why? They are not abstract things.

Looking at the positive side, I could say that this was far better than my morning exam, except for some questions which again drove me crazy.

Thus, I went out of the room without too much bitterness on my face. I was quite relieved although I knew how unsure I was of my answers.

THIRD SUNDAY

MERCANTILE LAW

In my opinion, mercantile law is much harder than Civil Law because this is an endless review of the entire subject matter. Just when one thought that he is already through, another subject matter would suddenly pop out of his mind, and there the review will start again. That was why I decided to stick to only one material reviewer which was enough to cover the entire matter.

This was the only time I felt happiness. I did not say that Mercantile Law was an easy exam. It was not. If it were an easy exam, I would not go through hell understanding Corporation Law, Negotiable Instruments Law and other special commercial laws just to make it out of law school. For me, Mercantile Law is next to Taxation when it comes to being abstract.

But this was the only time my morale was built again. Generally, I could say that I was able to answer the entire exam with confidence. Whether it be right or wrong, I could say that I defended my answer well. But then again, the examiner has still the final say on our answers.

But what was really important for me then was being able to fight it out.  We, the barristers were given the chance to fight it out, reasonably, as I may say. Unlike the past few exams that we had, I could say that mercantile law did not leave us, the barristers, totally broken.

CRIMINAL LAW

This is the subject where I could say, I really could fight it out. Why? Back in law school, our class was handled by the best Criminal Law professor. Many would say, he is next to God in Criminal law. And I am very privileged that I was given a chance to be taught by him. Besides that, during the Bar Review, one of his protégées, handled our Review.  Maybe, I underestimated him at first. But as the Bar Review went on, I realized how excellent he was.

There were only twelve questions (ten questions and two sub-questions for two numbers) all in all. Three hours was long enough to answer all these questions. But the hard part of this was almost all questions were heavily weighed – ten points each, the two others were five points each. So there would be a bigger margin of error meaning, a lesser chance to get a higher score.

I carefully answered each question. I analyzed every detail because in criminal law, one has to be really observant of the facts. One changed circumstance will directly affect all the events that transpired, thus changing the crime and the culpability of the person involved.

While I was halfway done answering the questions, I suddenly felt a light twinge inside my stomach. I ignored it and continued answering the questions. However, the discomfort continued.  I also felt that my temple was like hammered a hundred times. I again tried to ignore it. But no matter how much I wanted to concentrate in thinking of the answers, I just couldn’t, until I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

I searched my pockets for candies. There were none. I tried to look for my “menthol ball” which I brought to my desk a while ago. Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. It was only then I realized that I did not actually bring it with me.

I could not ignore the pain anymore. I asked the proctor just right behind me to accompany me to the toilet. She thought I was going to urinate. But no! I was about to throw-up.

I vomited the food I ate during lunch. She was so concerned of me and told me to proceed to the clinic. I refused. I might get sicker upon seeing those people who were suffering from more serious illness than mine. So I just asked her for some candies and asked her permission to get some medicinal stuff inside my bag. She gladly complied.

I returned to my seat. Still, tears kept rolling from my cheeks due to terrible headache. I tried to sleep on my head just to relieve myself. I was able to sleep for thirty minutes, just enough to regain strength in answering the left-out questions.

I tried to finish them all. It was a short exam after all. But what really consumed my time was my sudden sickness during that moment. I was glad that only few questions were asked. If it were not, I would not have probably finished the exam.

The exam was…well, I was just glad I finished the exam. That was far more important to me than any other comments of my fellow barristers around me. I could not exactly remember whether or not I wrote the correct answers or defended them well. What’s important was I finished the entire exam.

FOURTH SUNDAY

REMEDIAL LAW

Honestly, I felt so idle during this day maybe because it was already the last Sunday. The last three previous Sundays tortured me that much that I could only see a very little interest in taking the last two Bar subjects.

But I still went through with it. That was not the right time for me to quit, after undergoing the past three grueling Sundays fighting it out till the end.

Of course, just what I did in my previous exams, I answered every question in Remedial Law and tried to defend it as hard as I could, knowing that this subject has the biggest weight of all the Bar subjects. There were weird questions, questions which were never learned way back in law school. There were also some confusing questions. I just hope that the examiner won’t get confused with what I was trying to point out.

Yes, I also felt jittery but much lesser now, maybe because, in just a few more hours, the Bar Exam will be finally over. Even if I heard fellow barristers discussing their answers, I ignored them.  Even if their answers were totally alien with mine, I did not mind them. I was not acting like a smart-aleck. Such sudden kind of reaction may due to the fact that tiredness has already eaten too much of my system that I developed the “I-don’t-care-what-you-say” attitude.

I went out of the room with no reaction. I was more interested in having my lunch rather than discussing my answers with people, who like me, were also unsure of their answers.

LEGAL ETHICS AND PRACTICAL EXERCISES

Finally, we will be taking the last bar subject of the entire eight bar subjects. While the questionnaire was being distributed, I could sense that my room mates were more excited to be beer-bashed by the well-wishers outside the gates of La Salle rather than answering the questions.  Some were in a hurry to answer just to relieve themselves of possible ruckus about to happen in just a little while.

But for me, it was just another ordinary Bar Sunday. This is the time to be ethical, I thought. Am I ethical, after all? This has kept me silent for so long.

I answered some of the questions as ethically as I could. I guess, the examiner would presume that all of us are ethical persons. So I guess, that will not be too much of a problem, not until I began answering the “Legal Forms” part of the exam.

When I read the question, I was suddenly confused on what to do.  This question has caused me too much confusion that I pondered on it for some time trying to figure out what I was going to do. Then finally, I decided on what I was going to do. I had to rush doing it since it was a long legal form and I was already running out of time.

I was almost through in preparing the legal form required when a proctor-lawyer suddenly entered our room explaining to us what the instruction really meant. I was devastated. It ate too much of my time preparing that legal form complete with all the legal formalities only to discover that it was merely a surplasage.

Worse, one of the parts of the formalities (surplasage) was defective that it almost took me a month thinking over and over again what effect it would have on my answer. I did not erase the entire form, as advised by the lawyer-proctor otherwise our booklet would really look dirty. It was only after sometime that I realized that it could have been wiser if I erased the entire form. Never mind if it looked so dirty! At least, I have my confidence with me and I would not spend long sleepless nights trying to imagine how fatal (I hope not) such defect could have on my answer.

Anyway, although I felt like urinating, I did not go to the toilet because I was already running out of time. There were already very few people inside the room. So I just controlled that toilet urge. I finished the two other legal forms, concocting possible stories inside my mind just to make my legal form credible. When I finished reviewing my answers, I submitted my booklet to the proctor. I also surrendered my notice of admission which was with them even before the start of the exam.

I went outside the examination room bewildered. I was tired and at the same time, nervous of all the people outside the gates. They might be expecting too much from me/us. I could not even generally assess my performance during the Bar. I just prayed that they would not be that rude.

-o-0-o-

MARCH OUT

We marched our way to our bar site. It was a very humbling experience undergoing the entire four Sundays of September taking the Bar Exam.  There was the traditional beer-bashing on the last Sunday. Together with the sticky substance left by too much beer-bashing, I could feel that my sweat and my tears started to roll over my face. Maybe, I was happy because the Bar Exam was over. Maybe, I was sad because I felt that I did not do well during the entire examination. I was in a mixed state of emotions.

It really took a lot of courage and patience to get through the crowd. Some were even lost over the crowd. There were too many people. Just as time I reached the bar site, I saw my mom who was more than happy to see me. She hugged me tightly. My eyes watered. I backed away for her not to notice the redness in my eyes.

We ate and we immediately went home. I just wanted to rest. I just wanted to recover from the nightmare brought to me by the four Sundays of September.

POST-BAR (EXAM) SYNDROME

When I thought that the Bar exam was over, I discovered that the waiting game is a much harder part of the entire process. I thought of many ways to escape it but I always ended as a loser. Facing it, although a big challenge, will be the only way to manage it.

There were too many nights of constant night mares in dreams. Sometimes, I felt dreary every time I wake up in the morning or in the afternoon thinking what my dreams have to do with my future and the Bar Exam results.

Furthermore, I have not been this prayerful in my entire life. I hope that God does not get tired of my wishes. I know how I bother Him most of the time but this is the only way I could think of to maintain my sanity. I feel guilty sometimes since in the past, I have been taking Him for granted. I only remember Him during not-oh-so-good times. But during happier times, I seem so distant to Him. I have been a prodigal child to Him.

From the time the bar Exam has ended up to now, I have always been praying to Him, asking Him for help, mercy, grace and guidance. I know that He knows deep inside my heart that there is still too much confusion bothering me. But I know He’s listening, especially when I weep to Him like a child.

If there is one positive thing Bar exam brought to my life is my closeness with the Creator. I prayed like I never did before. It was just so enlightening to discover that He just works within me. Every day brings a great surprise. It was only now that I am trying to decipher what faith really means.

I may have been shattered by the Bar Exam. But I know that someday, I will discover the true purpose of God within me.

I am now under His control. Whatever tomorrow brings, I know that is the part of His will for me. I may not truly understand it, but I know time will come when I will truly know the reason behind it.

All this for His Greater Glory!

I remembered how the lady assigned to guide us in signing the Roll called me “Miss”. Maybe, that will be the last time she will be calling me as such because once I have signed the Roll of Attorneys, it would be more proper to address me with my legal title.  Indeed, the guys who were assigned to dry seal my Certificate of Membership couldn’t stop calling me “Attorney.”  Maybe, they could also feel my excitement. Yes, it brought some shivers in me. Now, I could attest to what my former Law professor has said that for the first time, one could feel that sudden “kilig” immediately after the signing of the Roll.

Living up my dream to be called an “Attorney” is fulfilled. Maintaining to be a worthy member of the legal profession is another thing.

To all the 2007 Bar Exam Passers and soon-to-be-called “Attorneys”, good luck! May we became a greet breed of young lawyers (Quoting some of the words used by Justice Azcuna in his Message found in our Souveneir Program)

God Bless us all! Ü